better late than never...
Just befeore we left the UK a month ago I wrote a blog entry, and put it on my CF card to upload when I got a chance on the road... of course - as with everything it was in my day pack that was stolen - so anyways I thought I'd post it now... enjoy!
As our time here in Southend draws to a close, I’m taking a bit of time to think about all of the things that I have learned while I’ve been here. Some have certainly been more useful than others (for example learning how to scrub a toilet ranks high on my list of things I’d always wanted to do).
And some, are just stupid.
Example b: I am now able to do an accurate impression of a “Saaaarfender” ordering a subway meal (or generally just saying anything as once you learn the rules – such as don’t sat “th” – say “f”or “v” – as in “free o vem koookeees” rather than “three of those cookies” – well you can apply the rules to almost anything)
And so, to celebrate my forthcoming retirement from Subway, which will occur this Friday, I would like to list some of my favorite Saaaarfender uses of the English language:
scews mee?
(not always used – but a nice touch)
I’ll ave a:
a. suite unyun chikin terri-yakki
b. chikin n bayken raanch
c. chewna wiv suite corne
d. veggeee patteee
e. meatball mureena
(this one is my absolute favorites – at first I thought maybe there was a typo on our menu boards, because no one ever pronounces the “r” in marinara but now I’ve just decided it’s another of the less endearing Sarfender qualities I’ve come to love)
At which point I interject and ask whether they want a six inch or a footlong – and then ask again, and sometimes again as my out-of-town accent tends to confuse them somewhat.
And then we have to decide which bread we want – decisions decisions – and invariably they choose the “Italyun herbs wiv cheeese”
Next important question:
“Any salads?”
“Yeah go on”
“Which ones?”
Which often results in my favourite answer “all of them”
So of course they wait until you’ve put the olives or the sweet corn on and then say
“oh wayte not vem black fings”
or
“I don’t want suite corne”
Or they stand there and carefully choose each one:
I’ll ave mine wiv:
Lettiss
unyun
turmata
kewcumba
grean peppa (read capsicum for the Australians – first time I served someone and said that they looked at me like I was speaking Zulu)
jalla-peenos (ah pronouncing the silent j – we are in a classy part of town)
sarwfwest chip-ottle sawce (more silent letters! Yay!)
dyhave saled kreeem?
Oh only may-o?
free of them koookees
an a bo-ule a cherri tang-o
And my absolute favourite Sarfender experience so far has been watching two guys try to work out where my “weird accent” is from:
“r yew frum noo zeeeee-lund?”
they asked
I had to bite my tongue because I almost said “Are you from Ireland?” but instead I gave them a mysterious smile and left them wondering.
Now the other fabulous thing about working at subway is that I’ve not only learned an alternative means of using the English language – but I’ve also learned oodles about the 4 most common religions AND languages used in India (oh and had a marriage proposal – but more about that later).
As a result of working with 7 Indian immigrants (who prefer to speak their native tongue rather than English) I have now learned to say things like “yam” instead of ham – because one of the boys refuses to even speak of pigs, (let alone eat their filthy flesh) and to call the beloved meatball mureena – “football” – which another of the boys reassures me is tamil or hindi or something for “meatball”
I’ve learned so many things about all of the different religions, and generally spent most of my time singing the praises of Australia – ah with it’s soft water, decent rates of pay and low cost of living.
This boastfulness of mine roused many stories from the boys about their attempts to get Australian work visas before admitting defeat and heading for the UK. This may or may not have had something to do with our manager Thomas asking me to marry him (and yes before you ask – he was serious.)
And while I’ve spent my days serving the stomachs of Sarfend Camo has been busy as a house-boyfriend doing the washing, and googling things such as “I hate Southend” (which by the way resulted in an amazing number of hits - who knew so many others have suffered just like us)
As our time here in Southend draws to a close, I’m taking a bit of time to think about all of the things that I have learned while I’ve been here. Some have certainly been more useful than others (for example learning how to scrub a toilet ranks high on my list of things I’d always wanted to do).
And some, are just stupid.
Example b: I am now able to do an accurate impression of a “Saaaarfender” ordering a subway meal (or generally just saying anything as once you learn the rules – such as don’t sat “th” – say “f”or “v” – as in “free o vem koookeees” rather than “three of those cookies” – well you can apply the rules to almost anything)
And so, to celebrate my forthcoming retirement from Subway, which will occur this Friday, I would like to list some of my favorite Saaaarfender uses of the English language:
scews mee?
(not always used – but a nice touch)
I’ll ave a:
a. suite unyun chikin terri-yakki
b. chikin n bayken raanch
c. chewna wiv suite corne
d. veggeee patteee
e. meatball mureena
(this one is my absolute favorites – at first I thought maybe there was a typo on our menu boards, because no one ever pronounces the “r” in marinara but now I’ve just decided it’s another of the less endearing Sarfender qualities I’ve come to love)
At which point I interject and ask whether they want a six inch or a footlong – and then ask again, and sometimes again as my out-of-town accent tends to confuse them somewhat.
And then we have to decide which bread we want – decisions decisions – and invariably they choose the “Italyun herbs wiv cheeese”
Next important question:
“Any salads?”
“Yeah go on”
“Which ones?”
Which often results in my favourite answer “all of them”
So of course they wait until you’ve put the olives or the sweet corn on and then say
“oh wayte not vem black fings”
or
“I don’t want suite corne”
Or they stand there and carefully choose each one:
I’ll ave mine wiv:
Lettiss
unyun
turmata
kewcumba
grean peppa (read capsicum for the Australians – first time I served someone and said that they looked at me like I was speaking Zulu)
jalla-peenos (ah pronouncing the silent j – we are in a classy part of town)
sarwfwest chip-ottle sawce (more silent letters! Yay!)
dyhave saled kreeem?
Oh only may-o?
free of them koookees
an a bo-ule a cherri tang-o
And my absolute favourite Sarfender experience so far has been watching two guys try to work out where my “weird accent” is from:
“r yew frum noo zeeeee-lund?”
they asked
I had to bite my tongue because I almost said “Are you from Ireland?” but instead I gave them a mysterious smile and left them wondering.
Now the other fabulous thing about working at subway is that I’ve not only learned an alternative means of using the English language – but I’ve also learned oodles about the 4 most common religions AND languages used in India (oh and had a marriage proposal – but more about that later).
As a result of working with 7 Indian immigrants (who prefer to speak their native tongue rather than English) I have now learned to say things like “yam” instead of ham – because one of the boys refuses to even speak of pigs, (let alone eat their filthy flesh) and to call the beloved meatball mureena – “football” – which another of the boys reassures me is tamil or hindi or something for “meatball”
I’ve learned so many things about all of the different religions, and generally spent most of my time singing the praises of Australia – ah with it’s soft water, decent rates of pay and low cost of living.
This boastfulness of mine roused many stories from the boys about their attempts to get Australian work visas before admitting defeat and heading for the UK. This may or may not have had something to do with our manager Thomas asking me to marry him (and yes before you ask – he was serious.)
And while I’ve spent my days serving the stomachs of Sarfend Camo has been busy as a house-boyfriend doing the washing, and googling things such as “I hate Southend” (which by the way resulted in an amazing number of hits - who knew so many others have suffered just like us)
posted by lauren at 9:13 pm
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